The situation
I’m not proud of it, but yelling has become the only thing that gets my kid’s attention. Calm requests don’t work. Repeating myself doesn’t work. Eventually, I raise my voice — and suddenly things get done. I hate that this is the pattern, but I don’t know how to break it.
What actually matters here
Kids don’t respond to volume — they respond to patterns. If yelling is the only thing that reliably leads to action, your child has learned to wait for it. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
What I’d do
I’d stop yelling — not forever, but strategically.
Pick one or two non-negotiables (getting dressed, homework, bedtime) and decide ahead of time what happens if they don’t listen the first time. Calmly say it once. If it doesn’t happen, follow through immediately with a consequence you’ve already explained.
No lectures. No warnings. No escalation.
At first, it’ll feel like things get worse. That’s normal. You’re changing the rules of the game.
The takeaway
Yelling works because it’s predictable. Replace it with consequences that are just as consistent — and you won’t need to raise your voice to be heard.